Semi Metallic Magi
by Jak0TheShadows
Summary: The two brothers have a run in with an enemy tougher and more evil than any enemy that they have ever yet encountered or probably ever will.rated M for coarse language


Dustin looked at his watch. "Five till curtain Ed,"

Ed poked his head out of his dressing room, his hair in curlers. "You can't delay it a little? I'm most definitely not ready yet!"

"Sorry babe, no can do. Curtain time waits for no man. No matter how blond and sexy their hair is."

"Alright, I'll just hurry it up then."

"You do that love!" Dustin turned to his audience. "Ladies and gentlemen, the story that is about to be read tonite was written on a complete spur of the moment. If there are any "minor" plot points that are either missed or completely skewered than it is the fault of the author and he takes full blame. He also does not own Full Metal Alchemist or any of its characters."

* * *

Ed stood at the corner of the street waiting for Al to arrive. "…"

ED STOOD AT THE CORNER OF THE STREET WAITING FOR AL TO ARRIVE! "I'm coming! I'm coming!" Ed turned the corner out of the off camera hallway and into the scene. His hair was not in it's usual long braid but instead loose and flying like a long dead fish behind him. "Do you have to be so descriptive?" Yes. "I already hate you congrats." The joy I'm feeling now must surpass that of even Caesar at the apex of his career. "…ass." Ed stood at the corner of the street waiting for Al to arrive. "Dammit Al, hurry up. I'm getting worried." Ed said to himself to try to calm his incredibly feminine nerves. Ed's eye twitched slightly but he kept standing there because he'll be fired if he deviates too much from the script. "Hey Al!" Ed cried out and waves his metallic arm that he never wanted and will never get rid of because he is nothing but a cowardly baby who can't do anything at his brother Al who although younger than him is taller, more muscular, and nicer than Ed will ever be.

"Hello brother, "Ed's larger, younger but more mature, and all around better brother Alphonse said to Edward. Al looked toward the narrator who, although bodiless, is more sexy and more willing to be a good father to any willing would be mother out there and said quite simply, "You know, when you're talking like this we're getting very little story done Mr. Narrator sir." The Narrator, although sexy and a pacifist, stabbed Alphonse in the face with a large rusty ice pick at hearing this. However the Narrator forgot that Al was just a metal suit so that didn't really do anything.

Several minutes later the Elric brothers met up with their good buddy Greed. Upon this both the brothers turned to the narrator and screamed, "GREED! Are you fing kidding me?" No, the narrator is not and would appreciate it if you would not use that kind of language around him or the children.

"What children?" Ed shouted at the overworked and underpaid narrator while an empty suit of armor and a homunculi stood idly by watching. THE CHILDREN YOU DIMWIT! THE CHILDREN! The narrator screamed at the short, worthless, impish, half machine monstrosity. At this point both Edward and Alphonse went insane and blew each other up.

"Well," said Greed. "What do I do now?" You quietly walk back to your hiding spot and pretend this didn't happen is what ran though Greed's mind as he ran back to his hiding spot to pretend that this never happened.

ONE YEAR LATER: In record to the past year I, the narrator, would like to bring to your attention what exactly brought about these events. The first and least important issue was Edward himself. He was pathetic and generally as dick so these events were doomed to happen. The second and most important was Winry. She's dead sexy, a freaking good mechanic, and great in bed. Yes… That's right Ed, you heard me. I'm not sure why this led to the events but who cares. The third and the one that makes the most sense is the writer. He's a loser who had nothing to do, had watched an episode of Full Metal Alchemist just yesterday, and was in a writing mood. So he wrote. And wrote. And wrote. And from this writing arose a story that will forever be archived in the annuls of "complete shit that should never have been written so I'm going to read this right away".

* * *

That about sums up my uh… story. Note that if you were at all offended by anything in this than you shouldn't have read it and are probably to easily offended. I actually like FMA so no one call me on that please. I just decided to have some fun with this particular anime and focus mostly on the bratty and often times annoying character of Edward Elric, who I will admit is sexy. 


End file.
